Spoof News

Former Head of the British Army, Sir Mike Jackson, has said that Prime Minister Gordon Brown is 'out of touch' with the British Army and has no clue as to what service life is like.

"It's awful that this buffoon is head of this country's military. He is totally clueless as to the needs and wants of the British soldier," said the furious General.

Brown though responded angrily to Jackson's comments "I know more than he thinks. The British 'Tommy' is a sturdy type who likes nothing more than having a cup of tea from the NAAFI, that costs thruppence. He also enjoys peeling big piles of potatoes outside the canteen."

Brown continued "The British 'Tommy' loves nothing more than going to a Church dance on a Sunday evening and meeting a young girl, dancing until 8pm then marrying her. They sleep in big long huts in bunkbeds and have nicknames like Pike, Jonsey and Mr Godfrey."

When pressed about equipment Brown conceded. "We need more 'Tommys' that have gripping hands and can speak, I had one that you could pull a chain from the back of his neck and he spoke."